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“If he can’t handle you telling the truth about yourself, then it wasn’t meant to be.”

– Alex DeWalt

As a good portion of you know, I’ve been struggling with the “I want to be in a relationship/I need to be in a relationship?” dilemma. I’ve tried Tinder, I’ve tried Bumble, and I’ve come to the general consensus that pretty much every guy my age is looking for a hookup.

I struggle with the insecurities of “did I do something wrong?”, “am I just that bad?”, “what’s wrong with me?”. Every time I think something is going my way, I get shot down, rejected, or friend-zoned. And let me tell you, it. sucks.

After recently thinking that I may have a potential relationship with someone I started speaking to (he initiated everything and asked me out and all), I was immediately put in the “I just want to be friends because I’m not ready for a relationship yet” zone.

Damn. Every. Single. Time.

I decided to go back and look through our messages. What did I say? Did I speak too much? Should I not have spoken about my depression, after all it was relevant at the time to the conversation we were having. Did I speak too little? Did I say too much? What did I do?

After asking all my guy friends who immediately came to the agreement that all guys are jerks, I turned to my best friend. First of all, I love my best friend. She is amazingly talented, intelligent, beautiful, honest, and real. She doesn’t give me any bullsh*t. Anyway, I talked to her about my situation and she basically said, “Madeleine, why are you obsessing over these things? There is nothing wrong with you. Let it go. You speaking about your mental health and your life is not wrong. If he can’t handle you telling the truth about yourself, then it wasn’t meant to be.”

BAM. *Insert Mic-Drop*

She couldn’t be more right. I find myself too often over analyzing these situations when really, there’s nothing to be done. I need to follow my mantra: It is what it is and if it’s meant to be, it will. Why worry about something that clearly is not going to happen at the moment? As my favorite YouTuber, Katy Bellot, said, “Don’t go looking for doors that aren’t ready to be found.”

Though I think I will forever struggle with my anxiety over the matter and my insecurities in these situations, it’s advice and sayings like these that ease my mind. In fact, it actually makes me feel more confident, more trusting in my actions.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my best friend was right. She’s normally always right when it comes to any situations about me. If the person I’m talking to can’t handle my truth, then it just isn’t meant to be – but at least he was up front and honest about it. While I wish that every guy that I show the slightest bit of interest in would give me a chance, I remind myself that there is a reason that they aren’t – and it’s not because of me necessarily. It’s the universe saying “not now, later.”

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